My life is based on music. I live from music. If I list a song, it played a part in my life, my emotions and how I felt. Music can either MAKE me or BREAK me.
If I listn to Carrie by Europe, it makes me want to die. so i try and avoid it. It takes me back when I was 13. I was about to be transferred because I was burning my wrist with a curling iron in a hospital. they couldnt handle me.
I remember the day so clearly.
I was only there for one month and I had this one song in a tape. I played it over and over. Everynight I couldnt sleep and everynight I wanted to die.
The night before the transfer, a male cordinator asked into the office and wanted me to sleep in his make shift bed. I was 13 and wantd him to have sex with me but he wouldnt. I never had sex before but my body wanted it in the worst way.
The first time I had an orgasm was when I was 6 or 7 by someone touching me.
That morning I had to pack my things in my room. He came with me and sat on the floor. He talked to me and I kept asking him to have sex with me before I leave.
I was 13 and he was 30. He was a very nice guy. He promised if I left, he would visit me and buy me a bike if i got out. I believed him.
He said he would kiss me. I wanted that kiss so bad.
It never happened because as he leaned in, my worker opened the door and she didnt think anything and he made it look like he was helping me pack.
When they left the room, I ran away. I ran for 30 minutes and ran to the train tracks. I laid on the tracks to die and my workers surrounded me.
The train was coming and actually honked honked and the breaks and wheels were sparking. The train stopped and I didnt die.....
2 hours later, I was in another province and in the police station. I got into a fight with a police office and it took 13 cops to control me........yup---I was angry....
"We are turning you in!" he said.
I was heading to a hospital that would keep me for 5 years!
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